Create a new habit of retraining your brain to drop negative self-talk.
We, as human beings, always tell stories.
When shopping, working, talking to loved ones - we tell stories that we create, whether out loud or in our heads.
This narrative is never-ending.
Sometimes our self-talk sounds nice, like, “I've achieved so much today”. But more often than not, it's self-deprecating chat that we play in our heads without even realising it.
Have you ever experienced the following: you are in a good mood in the morning, everything is going well, and then your mood changes without obvious reasons. You might even snap at someone.
You are bewildered: “What has just happened? I’m fine, the day is fine, why do I feel so crap?”
Then you catch your inner critic telling you off or criticising or mocking you for something you did or didn't do only a few hours ago.
Such a simple thing - a quick negative inner remark - might turn your self talk into a migraine inducing tirade.
I bet it happens to you more than you realise.
But do not fret.
There is a way to transform your negative self-talk into something useful, positive or even productive.
How to change the tonality of the stories you tell yourself?
Notice your critical self-talk.
First, you need to identify the current stories you tell yourself and understand if they bring you joy and positivity or if they put you down.
A sample narrative in your head might sound like:
I cannot do this
I am not good enough
I cannot start it as I am too old
I failed last time so no point in trying now
Someone will always do it better than me
Can you see how these stories feel negative even without going deeper into them?
The instinctive energy that they exude is negative and unwelcoming. And now imagine living like this day in and day out?
This sort of toxic self-talk can lead to increased anxiety and even depression.
"One of the most obvious drawbacks of negative self-talk is that it's not positive. This sounds simplistic, but research has shown that positive self-talk is a great predictor of success." - verywellmind.com
Toxic self-talk and negative stories we tell ourselves are not healthy for our wellbeing.
So if you identified similar thought patterns, let's see how we can alter them to make your life more joyous rather than provide food for negative energy sucking gremlins.
Replace negative self-talk with positive or neutral affirmations that are meaningful to you.
Once you identified exact thoughts that often play out in your head, let's try to replace them with something else.
What would you like to think of instead? But please do not just swap negative self-talk for positive but meaningless mantras and affirmations unless they mean something to you.
I cannot do this to I am great! It will not work. You won’t believe this mantra unless it’s your go to mantra.
But if we replace negative chat with something more personable:
“Someone else does it better so there is no point in starting”with ‘there will always be someone else doing it better, but I do it my unique way.’
You see how we swapped our negative story not into something sweet and positive, but into something more realistic. Because if we just go ahead and turn our negative talk into something sickeningly positive, we might make ourselves even more agitated.
Instead, we acknowledged a reality that there would always be someone better but identified our personal unique selling point or UPS - that we will do it in our special way.
And now the magic part.
You can make your negative self-talk work for you to improve your productivity.
Transforming your negative self-talk could help you improve productivity because instead of dwelling on doom and gloom, you switch your focus and your brain is free to go after new goals.
How?
Every time you inner critic says something nasty, like I can never finish this post on time, reverse engineer its message and create an action plan to prove it wrong. Add potential pitfalls that your inner critic might try to use against you and your plan.
Negative self-talk:
I can never finish this on time.
Reverse engineered self-talk:
I will finish this post in time and this is how I am going to do it.
Now you need do so this additional but super important step: create an action plan that you could then follow and refer to.
Action plan:
Write first edit - date, duration
Second edit - date, duration
Final edit - date, duration
Then without fear of sabotaging yourself, list everything that could go wrong so you remain realistic about the outcome.
Potential pitfalls to avoid:
Delaying start time
Not sticking to allocated time
Indulging my perfectionism
Once you are aware of things that might go wrong it's easier not to make them happen. Because by vocalising or writing them down you are making yourself mentally prepared for those pitfalls and put things in place to avoid them.
When negative self-talk shows up again you just read your action plan. And it will make run for the hills.
Final Thoughts
So next time you catch a story that plays out like a broken record telling you that you are not good enough or cannot do A or B, acknowledge it and change it so that it sounds realistic but with a positive flare.
You will not eradicate all negative stories in one go, but if you turn it into a daily habit - like brushing your teeth - in time you'll notice how much easier it is to swap negative stories for more positive and motivational.
What tricks do you use to change the negative stories you tell yourself?
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